About a month and a half ago, my husband and I found out we are expecting a baby! I would have to say excitement and happiness were top emotions, but nervousness and frightened emotions were on the list as well.. not because we were scared to parent or fear of our lives changing.. but rather everything we have dealt with this past year.
I have been around kids my whole life and even studied Child Development in college so I knew I was going to be a mom and I knew I wanted to be a mom in my 20's when I was finished with school. I knew the exact parent I wanted to be, which included be a working mom down to how I was going to discipline my future kid-os. When I met Drew, he thought the same exact thing and as we grew together the past 7 years, we had our whole lives planned out.
As I figured out this past year is that God has other plans for my husband and I. About a year ago, we found out for the first time that we were going to be parents.We didn't tell anyone because we knew there was a chance that something "could" happen.. not that I really believed it.. but I wanted to wait to tell our families until we had pictures of proof. I went in for a routine prenatal appointment at 12 weeks in which I chatted with my doctor about everything and started feeling really great about life. After my check-up, she brought me into a room so I could see our baby. Drew had to work that day and I said I will just go by myself, no big deal. As I was laying there, my doctor became really quiet and said I must not be as far along as I thought. I said there was no way. She said we would have to set up an official sonogram with a radiologist for the next day to make sure. I knew instantly that something was wrong and my plans for life instantly changed.
Because we never told anybody of what happened, it was really hard to get any support. Nobody understood what we were going through and when we did tell people why were were upset, they just said, "It must have been meant to be." How can MY PLANS not be what's meant to be?" Over the year, we spent a lot of time and money trying to fill some type of void. We bought many useless things and as soon as we were coming to terms with our new life we went to Las Vegas. Our trip was exactly what we needed to get our minds away from the everyday and start anew. I even cried when we got home because it was so much fun!
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