Nursing

One of the reasons I didn't blog the first month, was because every time I went to write something I would start crying. I was so hormonal (which I have already talked about) but I was also super upset with my inability to nurse. I was not able to have skin-to-skin contact with Ella after she was born because of the c-section.. I had to wait an hour just to see her and hold her! When I did get to hold her, I had a zillion people in the room and my bliss just took over. Maybe an hour after, everyone had left the room and I had tried to nurse. She wasn't latching on and the nurse that was taking care of us just said, "Oh, well..try again later." Well come to find out, I have inverted nipples which makes it nearly impossible for a baby to latch onto..so another nurse in the department gave me what is called a "nipple shield." It is a piece of plastic that is suppose to suction the nipple out and the baby can latch onto the plastic..it has holes it it so milk can flow out. I had never even seen one of these things before (yes, I took a breast feeding class even) and the lactation specialist wasn't in the hospital because it was the weekend. I had so many questions and nobody to answer them. One of my night nurses was pretty helpful and taught me and my husband a few techniques, but she was never around during the day. The day nurse on the other hand, was awful and not very supportive. She kept telling me I needed to feed Ella with formula and at one point took it upon her self to bottle feed her. I was still pretty set on nursing, so I tried pumping and nursing Ella..but I was still quite confused. The day we left the hospital, the specialist was around for an hour and came to my room. She showed me some of the same techniques as the night nurse but never answered the questions I asked. When we got home from the hospital, I tried hand pumping and nursing but the shield was annoying and I wasn't getting any milk. At around day 6, I bent over in the bathroom to pick up something and milk just came flowing out! I was SO excited. I started to pump and feed Ella. Unfortunately, I was only producing less than an ounce from both breasts, even if I pumped for an hour. I thought it would be easier if I had a fancy breast pump, so I spent nearly $300 on a double automatic one. I tried multiple times a day and never got enough to feed my baby. I had a hard time waking Ella up to feed every 2 hours and because I wasn't producing enough, I had to supplement. I started asking everyone I knew who has breastfed questions and what I figured out was that I was just not producing enough. I didn't want to give up so I tried for 2 weeks while supplementing. Then husband and I both got strep throat and were sicker than dogs.. I needed sleep more than ever and Ella was satisfied with formula. I cried and cried and begged God to give me an answer.. I wanted to give my baby my milk so badly but couldn't.. I was mad.. I was so angry that women out there can produce and CHOOSE not to nurse. I was so embarrassed that I had to buy formula. I was mad that I bought a breast pump. Most of all, I wanted to be the one to give my baby her nutrients to grow, because that is what a mother was intended to do.

Every time someone asked me if I was "nursing" I would cry. It's gotten easier as time has passed because I now realize that it was a miracle formula was invented.. Back in the day, Ella would have starved to death because I couldn't produce.. she NEEDED (needs) formula to SURVIVE. I have realized that she is still smart, developmentally ahead and just a happy baby.. I am able to get more sleep myself because husband can help out feeding her as well. We are able to feed her in public without making anybody else uncomfortable.

I still believe that if a women is able to give her baby breast milk, then she should at least try. If I have any more children, I will try again..with a lot more knowledge to help out ;)